Before You Give Them the Chance to Say "I do"

wedding

Though I’ve never been a senior pastor, there have been seasons in my ministry when I was conducting several weddings each year. But that amount of officiating wasn’t enough for me to remember all that’s involved each time in officiating a wedding. Things like, how to prepare a couple for marriage and how to perform a God-honoring wedding ceremony.

While the minister’s task list isn’t as long as the wedding coordinator’s, as the minister, I was responsible for each of these areas:

•             Details of the ceremony;

•             Concise list of the couple’s must-dos;

•             And my non-negotiable counseling topics.

As in my church now, my previous church provided pre-marital counseling (a great resource, Countdown to Marriage). But even if a couple attended the classes, I still wanted to cover certain topics face-to-face with them.

After continually starting from scratch in my preparation for each pre-marital counseling meeting, I decided to develop a check list of things I wanted to discuss and accomplish in each one .

As a minister, you need a framework for your role in weddings. You need to determine conversation and decision points with each couple. You need to be protective of your time (and wedding ceremonies can be a time-killer).

Here’s my wedding checklist– it might provide a baseline as you develop your own.

Happy marrying.

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What Lice Taught Me About Evangelism

Last school year, my wife called to tell me she was picking up my second grader from school because she had lice.

iStock_LICE

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto®

My only previous knowledge of lice came from elementary school where anyone who had lice was considered “not cool,” and we assumed they never washed their hair. Well, my daughter washes her hair regularly, and I tend to think she’s pretty cool.

With new knowledge on lice from the school nurse, the delousing began.

It was a huge task. We vacuumed, sprayed, and washed everywhere lice might live and bagged things up—and that was just our household items. Then, we had to clean out the lice from the actual carrier (daughter) and work hard to make sure the other three kids and my wife didn’t get lice. (I was fairly safe. See picture on website for reason).

Here’s what I learned about lice that helped me think about sharing Christ:

  1. Lice don’t jump. You actually have to make contact. While the Spirit can, we can’t intuit Jesus to others from far away. We have to be close enough for contact. We have to do life with them and share Christ out of our common context. Like avoiding lice, we might be guilty of trying to steer away from those who are far from God in fear that we might catch their sinfulness (by the way, we’ve already caught sin, but we just have to accept the permanent antedate).
  2. Lice are effective at invading everything. We cleaned all of our surfaces. Multiple times. Bagged fifty stuffed animals. For being small, lice are hard to ignore. In appropriate ways, we should inundate people’s lives with our love for Christ. A passing glance will likely not do. We have to be present in all areas. People should have to work hard to ignore our presence and the Holy Spirit’s working.
  3. They don’t stop. They’re committed, those lice. It was multiple rounds of the delousing before they went away for good. A simple rebuff wasn’t going to deter them. What if we were as committed as lice? Only stopping our pursuit when the Holy Spirit convicted us?

Lice are highly contagious. I believe someone already took the clever title “Contagious Christianity,” but the author was right and we should be a part of the contagion.

Here’s to evangelism, lice-style.

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The Humble Brag Among Ministers

It happens over lunches. It happens via social media. It happens at conferences and definitely at denominational conventions. It’s often back-handed or passive aggressive, but bottom line: it’s bragging.

And its most popular form is the humble brag.

The Urban Dictionary defines humble brag as “When you, usually consciously, try to get away with bragging about yourself [or church] by couching it in a phony show of humility.”

Whether you’re talking about your personal accomplishments, or your church’s attendance figures or square footage, it’s annoying and potentially sinful.

Can you imagine the Apostles coming back together after being out in different groups baptizing and saying things like, “Well, Peter and I baptized 21 people today”? Then Judas and Matthew one-up them by saying, “Well, we baptized 35.”

Actually, I can imagine this happening. But I also believe that if it did and Jesus heard it, then Jesus called them on it.

Those in positions of larger influence are often even more susceptible to humble brags. If you’re in a larger church than those you’re in a conversation with, not everyone needs to know. If you’ve found success in whatever you, resist the urge to  utter humble brags. Simple, be humble.

Unless you’re answering a direct question, I can’t think of a reason to to announce the number of people in your congregation or any other measurement stick you may keep track of.

And even when asked a question, begin your response with sayings like:

• “God has allowed us to do some pretty cool things…”

• “On a typical weekend, we average (use a conservative #)…”

• “I don’t know what we had here last week, but there was this really cool God-thing that happened…”

You get the idea.

No matter the topic, your bragging is not of Christ. And doing it in the form of a humble brag doesn’t make it any less of a brag. Bragging often leads to cause the sin of jealousy to others. It can influence other ministers to pursue the things of this world, rather than God’s desires.

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.”

– Apostle Paul, the Bible, Galatians 6:14

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