Posted in Church Staff

Chasing Cool & Appeasing Church Members

This past Christmas, I did something many parents have done. We got a dog.

In many cases, this decision makes a family happy – but for us, it ended up being a regret. After multiple years of being asked by our children, I caved. It wasn’t without thought. I did my research. I chose wisely. But no amount of research or careful selection changed what I knew in my gut…a dog was not right for our family at that stage of life.

So less than 28 hours after bringing the dog home, we took him back –and all the supplies we’d purchased for him. It was not a “dad of the year” moment.

I’ve done and seen a similar thing in church ministry.

Incessant clamoring for a new ministry. “It’s the right ministry for our church.” “It will change lives.” “I’ll own it. I’ll find the volunteers. We don’t need budget money, we just need the space.”

And in response, someone in charge caves. They acquiesce. They say yes to wanting to be cool, or trendy – or they simply want the incessant asking to cease (albeit with a gnawing check in their spirit about its validity or rightness for the church).

Returning a dog is not the easiest task (all four of my children cried [even the two who were terrified of the dog]). But a less easy task is killing off a ministry. Even if it’s a ministry that proved it doesn’t belong. There’s always somebody emotionally connected. You can’t just take a ministry back to a pet shop and shamefully hand over the leash.

Ultimately, as a dad, I should’ve known better. It was my responsibility to make the best choice for my family. I was in the best position to see the ramifications of the dog-gone decision.

And as a church leader, you‘re typically the best person to make the call for your department, or your ministry team. You should be able to step away from the incessant noise, and forecast what the future of the ministry means for you and the church. Ultimately, the experience you’ve gained, and the prayer you put into making a decision should give you the best decision-making ability.

People will always be passionate about their ministry ideas. But you’re the person who can look over the whole landscape and determine if it’s the best ministry to begin at your church, at that time.

Some ideas you’ll say “yes” to. Some “no.” But in either case, you’ll have to get over not being popular with all your church members.

Our 28-hour dog was messy, excitable, and made my house and clothes instantly smell like… well, dog. He jumped on my one-year and three-year-old, which created a fearful reaction. I knew all this was coming. Yet I was tired of being asked, and I had a desire to make my kids happy. I caved. And ultimately, it was a regret – and it added unnecessary chaos to my home.

Don’t do this to your church. Have the courage to lead well and make the hard decision on the front end. As the Church, we have far too many important things to be engaged in other than un-doing a ministry we should’ve never started in the first place.

Church Staff & The Minion Treatment

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto®

There’s a direct correlation between the person who interrupts others and monopolizes conversations, and where they’re placed on the organizational chart. And recent studies have shown that the more leadership responsibilities you have, the more likely you are to become that person.

Daniel Goleman, in article for Harvard Business Review (December 2013) describes how conversation-monopolizers and conversation-interrupters usually increase their poor habits as they move higher on an organizational chart or in social standing.

We’ve all seen this happen. It’s the church member whose family was involved in founding the church… it’s the long tenured staff member… it’s the employee who’s just moved positions and been provided more staff oversight.

Goleman’s article points out that as leaders rise in an organization, their ability to perceive and maintain a personal connection begins to wane. This is called psychic attrition. He summarizes a Berkeley psychologist who says “higher-ranking individuals consistently focus their gaze less on lower-ranking people and are more likely to interrupt or to monopolize the conversation.”

Sociologists are able to watch the conversational interactions in a workplace and closely map who fits where on their organization chart. Our churches are not exempt from these studies. Could a sociologist come into your ministry area and pinpoint where people fit on an org chart? They’re not measuring who’s leading the meetings they view – they’re measuring who’s being rude to whom.

This is not always true and it doesn’t have to be true of you and me. In fact, I hope if sociologists were to study church staffs, they’d find a gap in their theory. However, I’m a realist and I’ve been around enough church staffs to know we’re not immune.

Bottom line: the higher we rise, the more responsibility we get, the more likely we are to pay less attention or care less deeply for the people below us.

If you’re still reading and haven’t moved on to a different blog site with a bigger title, you still may be thinking this doesn’t apply to you. When you think psychic attrition, you think of your Pastor or chairman of your leadership council – but not yourself. Surely a minister in the church wouldn’t forget or ignore the little people. Right? Wrong. It happens.

How do you fair in psychic attrition? As you’ve moved up on the org chart, gotten bigger titles and more degrees, have your personal connections dropped? Are your conversations with people directly linked to what their position title deserves?

To get the most accurate grading of your psychic attrition, ask a trusted staff person or spouse what they’ve observed – and take their feedback seriously.

Our propensity toward psychic attrition (or as I call it, a “too big for your britches” or “too busy for the little people” mentality) can be corrected. Begin asking God for help. We have the opposite of psychic attrition modeled for us by Jesus, so let’s follow his example. I have a feeling if Goleman’s sociologists were to observe Jesus and His followers, and try to map His leadership style, they’d likely have their org chart inverted.

Fight back against psychic attrition with baby steps:

For a day, commit to not interrupting a single person… hear people out, even if they have meandering explanations or their stories aren’t an efficient use of your time.
Learn the names and stories of people far below you on an org chart, or those who aren’t in your current leadership circles.
Speak less in meetings—don’t monopolize. (I’ve previously blogged about the appropriate amount of talking at meetings.)

Next week, I’ll summarize some more thoughts about empathy amongst leaders, and what Goleman says is a specific type of empathy leaders need to have.

The Right Amount Of Transparency In Interviews

“I love my family and church too much to enter into a process that’s anything less than transparent. The stakes are too high for us.”

This is the statement I made to my interviewer during his second call in the selection process. The process would mean leaving my church, and joining the staff of another one.

I could only speak for myself, but during that call I also knew much was at stake for the church I was talking to.

Prior to our conversation, I’d determined I couldn’t, with good conscience, misrepresent or conceal things about myself – even things that might steer them away from me as a candidate.

I’ve learned when you conceal things in an interview process, you’re just postponing the inevitable…everyone eventually finds out the fit isn’t so great, and there can be detrimental fall-out.

I think every minister and church seeking a future together has this goal of offering transparency in all things, but carrying it out through the whole selection process can be difficult.

Dealing with things on the front end is worth it. When you are called by God to serve in vocational ministry, it’s imperative you stay honest with those seeking to minister with you.

After I made that comment in the interview process, I began to do what I said I would. All my shortcomings, all their bad church experiences, needed to be on the table.

Now, you can’t rely on either the interviewer or yourself to speak total truth about the situation. You have a skewed view and see things from your perspective – and so do they. That’s why personality assessments and resumes with helpful references are key (two topics I’ve posted on previously).

I’m not saying you shouldn’t strive for good first impressions or that you should share every childhood sin – but withholding relevant information or part of your personality will only hinder the relationship.

God made you who you are. God has a plan for your life. When we try to manipulate appearances in order to get what we think we want, it hurts us and the churches involved.

My suggested practical takeaway if you’re taking to a church or a church in the hiring process: commit to God and each other, to be resolved to be transparent throughout the process. Agree that the stakes are too high to do anything less.

« Previous 1 … 10 11 12 13 14 … 18 Next »