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Chasing Cool & Appeasing Church Members

This past Christmas, I did something many parents have done. We got a dog.

In many cases, this decision makes a family happy – but for us, it ended up being a regret. After multiple years of being asked by our children, I caved. It wasn’t without thought. I did my research. I chose wisely. But no amount of research or careful selection changed what I knew in my gut…a dog was not right for our family at that stage of life.

So less than 28 hours after bringing the dog home, we took him back –and all the supplies we’d purchased for him. It was not a “dad of the year” moment.

I’ve done and seen a similar thing in church ministry.

Incessant clamoring for a new ministry. “It’s the right ministry for our church.” “It will change lives.” “I’ll own it. I’ll find the volunteers. We don’t need budget money, we just need the space.”

And in response, someone in charge caves. They acquiesce. They say yes to wanting to be cool, or trendy – or they simply want the incessant asking to cease (albeit with a gnawing check in their spirit about its validity or rightness for the church).

Returning a dog is not the easiest task (all four of my children cried [even the two who were terrified of the dog]). But a less easy task is killing off a ministry. Even if it’s a ministry that proved it doesn’t belong. There’s always somebody emotionally connected. You can’t just take a ministry back to a pet shop and shamefully hand over the leash.

Ultimately, as a dad, I should’ve known better. It was my responsibility to make the best choice for my family. I was in the best position to see the ramifications of the dog-gone decision.

And as a church leader, you‘re typically the best person to make the call for your department, or your ministry team. You should be able to step away from the incessant noise, and forecast what the future of the ministry means for you and the church. Ultimately, the experience you’ve gained, and the prayer you put into making a decision should give you the best decision-making ability.

People will always be passionate about their ministry ideas. But you’re the person who can look over the whole landscape and determine if it’s the best ministry to begin at your church, at that time.

Some ideas you’ll say “yes” to. Some “no.” But in either case, you’ll have to get over not being popular with all your church members.

Our 28-hour dog was messy, excitable, and made my house and clothes instantly smell like… well, dog. He jumped on my one-year and three-year-old, which created a fearful reaction. I knew all this was coming. Yet I was tired of being asked, and I had a desire to make my kids happy. I caved. And ultimately, it was a regret – and it added unnecessary chaos to my home.

Don’t do this to your church. Have the courage to lead well and make the hard decision on the front end. As the Church, we have far too many important things to be engaged in other than un-doing a ministry we should’ve never started in the first place.

The Minister Disconnect – An Interview with Eric Geiger

Until Eric Geiger’s move to Lifeway just over two years ago, Eric had spent his career serving as a minister in the local church. With God’s blessing clearly evident on the work Eric was doing, he most recently served as an executive and teaching pastor at Christ Fellowship in the Miami area.

Now Eric ministers to ministers as a Lifeway Vice-President, and leads its Church Resources Division. Through that role, his influence in leadership, speaking, and writing has reached evangelical Christians serving churches, both as paid staff and volunteers.

Eric has not given up his love for or service to the local church since being at Lifeway. He continues to serve the local church in interim and volunteer roles. However, a new position, outside of the day-to-day work of local church ministry has provided Eric a different perspective. Once having the perspective of a church minister, now he has one more similar to a church members’ view of the church and its ministers.

I recently interviewed Eric about the misunderstandings that ministers and church members have of each other and what advice Eric has on how each group can better understand each other, for the purpose of working more synergistically.

My questions are in bold, followed by his responses:

Now that you’ve stepped away from full-time local church leadership, has your perspective changed regarding church leadership?

In some sense, my perspective has changed because I interact more regularly with local expressions of the body of Christ in more locations than I did while serving exclusively in one church. Through that lens, I see more and more how each church is unique because the local communities are unique and diverse. At the same time, I also have more firmly realized that many issues are not unique at all. For example:

People need the gospel preached to their hearts continually.
Churches must develop their leaders or the body won’t be as mature as she should be.
Healthy leaders lead healthy churches.
Churches must move people to participate with one another in community, not just merely attend and associate with one another.

So I have a sense that churches are unique in some ways and a stronger view that many important aspects of church life are not unique at all.

How are ministers often misread or misrepresented by members within the church?

I don’t think it is possible to know fully the burden that ministers carry—a blessed burden, but a burden nonetheless—unless you have served as a minister. Because of that, I think some church members at every church will saddle the ministers with expectations that are completely unrealistic and unhealthy.

What do church ministers most often misread or misunderstand about church members?

As I interact with people who don’t see me as “a pastor at that church,” I realize more and more how little the average person who attends church thinks about church throughout the week.

The implication for me in this observation is that church leaders are wise to give simple and clear direction about what the church is about and where the church is headed. Over-communicate the important things. People are bombarded with a plethora of messages, so give clarity of mission and clarity of direction.

What advice would you give ministers to help them better understand the average person in the church?

Smell like sheep. Be among people.

What are the biggest needs of church ministry leaders?

Training is going to be a continually increasing need for church leaders, for at least two reasons:

(1) Churches are more frequently hiring from within the church. They are hiring people who have not served in full-time ministry before and have not received formal ministerial education. These churches will need to develop leadership development pathways for the new staff members they bring on the team.

(2) Ministry is becoming more and more specific in terms of the needs that people in the congregations face, and many ministers have no specific training around the new challenges facing churches today.

Healthy churches will not only have trained ministers, but they will have trained ministers who excel in training all of God’s people for ministry (Ephesians 4:11-13).

I am grateful for Eric’s time and wisdom, and if by chance you don’t know about Eric, his books, read his blog or follow him by Twitter, I highly recommend that you do–you won’t be disappointed.

Empathy: A Specific Kind Needed For Leadership

Photo courtesy of iStockphoto®

It’s one thing for a leader to understand another’s feelings (emotional empathy), but a leader who can also sense what others need from them, well, that’s effective leadership and ministry.

In last week’s blog, I wrote about the helpful information regarding the mental side of leadership curated from Daniel’s Goleman’s article for the Harvard Business Review, The Focused Leader.

His article unpacked three kinds of empathy needed to be a good leader. You’ll be familiar with at least one or two kinds of empathy, but the third, at least by name, may be unfamiliar.

This “empathy triad” Goleman presents shows how leaders can provide three distinct kinds of empathy:

Cognitive empathy– the ability to understand another person’s perspective;

Emotional empathy—the ability to feel what someone else feels;

And finally, the one I want to focus on–

Empathetic concern—the ability to sense what another person needs from you.

A good leader will not only discern how people feel, but also discern what a person needs from you. Goleman suggests this is the kind of empathy we want in our doctors, spouse, and yes, our boss.

Most people appreciate when a boss or leader asks: “how can I help you?” or “what do you need from me to be successful?”

Wouldn’t it be great if your boss already knew what you needed because they were in tune with your concern, thus, empathetic concern?

Think of someone you lead. The last time they came to you with a problem to be solved, were you aware of what they needed? While listening, were you able to discern they needed an idea? An answer? Collaboration? Reassurance? A firm directive?

It’s not only about knowing their preferred language, but about what’s happening in their life that might influence their need-factor. Their life’s extenuating circumstances may heavily influence the reasons they’re before you and what they’re actually wanting/needing from you.

A leader who shows ability within the empathy triad will be a trusted leader. A leader people want to follow.

Developing Empathetic Concern requires a leader to:

Listen well (to people in varying areas in the organization or church);
Seek information;
Be emotionally intelligent;
And to care about others.

It takes time to develop this skill. But here’s one practical takeaway for everyday church leadership, you can put into action the next time you sit across the table form someone who’s sharing frustration –

Not only listen well and try to feel what they’re feeling (emotional empathy), but ask yourself, “What am I sensing this person might need from me”.