Brian Dodridge

Past & Present: Disqualifiers From Being Hired

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At some point in a minister hiring process, the question needs to be asked: is there anything in your present or in your past that could disqualify you from this position? And that question needs to be answered, fully.

Many times, churches are afraid to ask that question. Their reasons might be:

I like this person. I don’t care about their past – I only care how they’re living now.
They’re not being considered for the Supreme Court. Does our due diligence need to be worthy of a Senate hearing?
Who are we to judge?
If they’ve asked for forgiveness from God, does it matter to us?
I really like the person, and if I learn something negative about them, I might have to go another direction (yes, this happens).

I think all those are fair sentiments. But ignoring this question about a candidate’s past can have consequences to your church, which makes it a question church leadership can’t ignore.

Learning about a suspect area of a candidate’s past or personal life doesn’t mean you have to respond by removing them from consideration. That is a discernment process for you and other decision makers to consider.

But as a church, you need to know. Once you know, you can then determine how to weight the issue exposed (if there is one).

As a candidate, you need to reveal your story. (I’ve written previously about the importance of total transparency in the interview and selection process.) You’re serving Christ. He knows what your past and your current private life is, and can handle how those areas are interpreted by the church you’re talking to. Show strong character, and trust God by freely sharing.

A church may find that your arrest for vandalism twenty years ago no longer matters to them. They may determine that your addiction to pornography or prescription drugs was prior to you knowing Christ, and no longer matters to them. But the point is, they know…

… They know this is your second marriage. They know you barely avoided divorce after you were unfaithful to your spouse. They know you’re currently being sued by a former church member. The point is that they know upfront.

Your transparency with the hiring leadership allows them to make the best decision for their church. And, should they move forward in the process, your transparency allows them to deal appropriately with future inquisitors. For example:

Church member: “Did you know ‘the candidate’ once… ?”

Hiring team: “Yes, we did know. ‘Candidate’ told us about the occurrence, explained it to us, and we considered it as a part of our selection process.”

Ministerial candidate: Be upfront about your past and current struggles. It may cost you a job opportunity, but you’ll have to trust God for that. Concealment is not a way to start a relationship.

Hiring teams: Don’t assume they’re going to spill the beans. Ask them point-blank about their past their current life. Here are some of the questions I ask prospective minister candidates:

Do you have or have you had any addictions?
Do you have any unhealthy or unbiblical preoccupations?
Is there anything in your past that if it came to light, could cause the church or me concern?
Is this your first marriage?

We all have to want what’s best for the Church. And depending on your role, that means admitting to some hard things or asking some hard questions.

Leave Your Pastor Alone! (On Sundays)

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Usually about 7:30 a.m. each Sunday, he strolls into my office. Always his tie is loosened, and he’s drinking coffee out of his favorite mug.

My pastor and I typically chat about just a few things during this weekly exchange. There might be a few comments on a weekend sporting event, or light discussion about what’s ahead of him for the day – but I avoid talking about one specific topic.

That topic? Anything that will distract him.

When I was seventeen and felt called into ministry, I wasn’t sure what to call it… But I felt a burden for what I saw my Dad deal with as pastor. Namely, all the things that were a distraction from his proclaiming the Bible on Sundays. I didn’t know then that an executive pastor role directly addresses that burden I was feeling. I wondered then, and I wonder now – is there something I can do to alleviate, mitigate, or at least help to postpone the “things” that could be a distraction for my pastor? Can you do this?

No doubt, pastors have to deal with other things than preaching. But as much as I can control it, they don’t have to deal with them on Sunday morning right before they preach (or whatever day and time they preach).

Even this past Sunday when Mike moseyed into my office, I glanced at the “Mike” page of my task-list and saw several important things to discuss with him. Although I was tempted to bring them up, I quickly determined none of them had to be discussed between that moment and when he’d preach 30 minutes later.

If you’re a church leader or staff member… strive to preserve your pastor’s time on Sunday mornings. Keep your conversations and topics to be only those that will bring encouragement or end with “Is there anything I can do to serve you today?”

You’ll be tempted to talk about more, but hold your tongue, write it down, and deal with later (and yes, that means delaying delivery of emails until after he’s preached). I’m convinced Satan will use anything to distract a preacher from being Spirit-controlled while proclaiming the Gospel. Do everything you can to keep him far from sin, and close to Christ.

If you’re a preaching pastor and this boundary isn’t respected, I suggest two things to mitigate the distraction:

With staff and key leaders, ask them not to bring up matters that aren’t time-sensitive on Sunday mornings. As a human with a God-sized task, ask for some latitude. Again, you’re ultimately going to do deal with whatever they have – just postpone your involvement until you’re finished preaching.
With congregants, get good at saying things like, “That sounds important, but is there any way you can connect with me later so I can focus and pray over the next few minutes?” And if that doesn’t work, you might even have to limit your congregational fellowship time before the service, or focus most of that time until after you’re finished preaching.

If you do this, let some key lay leaders know. They then can be your cheerleaders if they hear grumblings about your lack of engagement pre-service.

I like problem-solving pastors. I like people-loving pastors. But what I like most is the Gospel being proclaimed from a person who is sinless and focused on proclaiming the message God has given them.

It takes discipline from the pastor and those who serve alongside him, but the here’s the practical takeaway: leave your pastor alone (at least before he’s preaching).

How Much "Ministry" Should Be Shared With Family?

This is part two of “keeping your kids and your call to ministry.” Read part one here.

As a minister, how much “work” should you discuss with your spouse?

Are you a concealer, revealer, or spiller?

Which one is the right way to be?

I grew up in a pastor’s home. During my 17 years of marriage, I’ve worked in a ministry job. I’ve been mentored by and close to other ministers who were also married. So both through purposed conversation and anecdotally, I’ve seen a wide variety of ways to handle work discussions with a spouse.

As a result, I’ve come to my own conclusions about how to approach this. My method isn’t always perfect, but I’ve created a “church-work discussion” philosophy.

Here are three ways to classify the minister and their handling of “church work” discussions at home:

Concealer: This minister believes little to no work should be discussed with family. They may believe this because they value turning work off at home, or because they want to protect their family from the uglier parts of ministry. They also might want their family to develop a church philosophy from their own personal experiences, instead of from the experiences of their minister parent or spouse.

Revealer: This minister discusses their ministry work at home, but sparingly. They too want their family to have their own church experiences and not be unduly influenced by what happens at the office. They do reveal, but it’s typically general rather than specific, and is driven by a desire for them to process information in a safe place. These conversations leave out names or details that could influence the listener’s opinions about a person or circumstance at the church.

Spiller: This minister doesn’t separate ministry work and home. Whether good or bad, they share their experiences at work, and trust the listener to partner with them in discerning and praying through matters. They feel their call to ministry extends to their spouse, and the spouse can walk alongside them in their work.

My personal method is a cross between concealer and revealer. It’s what works for me and my family. My philosophy could change, but for now it’s a purposeful decision. Here’s why it works for me—

When pressed, it allows me to vent to my wife.

Not specifics, but enough to get something off my chest and allow her to pray with me about it. I encourage all ministers to have a “venting” person. Typically, this person will not be a part of your church. Another minister, a counselor, or extended family member is ideal. Someone you can trust and receive counsel from, as needed.

I share enough to keep my family in the know about things deeply affecting me.

My family’s participation at church is unaffected.

By not sharing the details of work, it allows my family to worship at church without affecting their experience. My test question regarding sharing with my family is this: “Have I shared any detail about a person, that if my wife were to sit next to them during the Lord’s Supper, the issue or detail could impact that spiritual moment?”

It allows my kids to have a healthy and positive view of church.

Over time, my kids will discover the church and its people can be challenging. For the most part, I want this to be a result of their self-discovery, rather than a result of me announcing at dinner I’ve had a rough day because of “people.” Learning the church vicariously through me may not be best for them.

Bottom line for me: I, Brian, was called to vocational ministry. Not my family. While they share in it, I don’t want to routinely transpose my work on them.

I believe a spouse can effectively support their minister spouse without knowing the ins and outs of ministry work.

Those are the benefits of my choice about how much I take home. But my concealer/revealer philosophy has a shadow side too. If it’s not guided by the Spirit, it can…

Keep me secluded
Leave family feeling out of touch with something that takes so much of my time
Prohibit me from sharing “everything” with my best friend (in my case, my wife)

Whatever amount of church-talk you bring home, have a plan. Know why you are sharing what you are sharing. Will it benefit your family to know something? Will it burden them? Discuss your plan with your family. Pray about it, and allow your choice to be an encouragement to you – and them.

p.s. I’ve written this under the assumption that a minister understands and respects the required confidences of their job. When it’s confidential, we should all be “concealers.”

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