Unfettered Fun With Your Staff – Special Olympics Style

Dodridge on a shelfFor several years, I had the opportunity to chaperone the annual Special Olympics dance at the Summer Games. It was greatness. Thousands of Special Olympian athletes on a football field, loud music, unfettered dancing, and fun.

 

No pretenses. No wondering, “Is anyone watching?”

Everyone, including this chaperone, had a great time (but no twerking was involved).

While I’m not necessarily suggesting your church’s staff should have dances, I am suggesting you have fun together. For each staff, fun will look different. But as a leader, you’re either going to allow for it, or suppress it. Those who work with you have to know they can have fun without fearing “the boss”.

Mind you, no one is ever going to mistake me as “the fun guy” on our staff, but I do hope to allow for and participate in fun.

This past December, someone began posting photos of a little character on the church’s Twitter and Facebook. The character was given a hashtag, #DodridgeOnAShelf. Whoever started this had placed my likeness on the little elf who rules homes with mischievous behavior every day in December. Typically, our social media accounts are used for official communications. But for a few weeks, our church’s followers would see #DodridgeOnAShelf doing something funny each day. I didn’t directly encourage it, but our work environment allowed for it.

If you take yourself too seriously as the leader, it will negatively impact your team. The people on your staff work with you too many hours, for their organization not to allow for some fun.

The leader’s role in organizational fun:

1.       Allow it

It shouldn’t be over the top, nor should it replace the work of your mission – but periodically, it should happen. And the fun should cause you to be a little tense (if it causes a leader to be slightly tense, it’s probably just right amount of fun for everyone else).

2.       Encourage it

Sometimes you’re going to have suggest a fun idea, and ask others in your church to be open to it.

3.       Participate in it, at times

Nothing says you’re not on the team more than standing in the proverbial corner of the dance floor with a curmudgeon face while everyone else dances.

4.       Create it

You may have to fund (or ask for funding), to literally create fun moments. Parties, scavenger hunts, whatever… Get help with the details, but do your part to create fun moments.

5.       Schedule it

If you’re serious-minded person and could work 80 hours every week, then you’ll likely miss all the fun and relationships unless you schedule it. Schedule 15 minutes in your day to walk around and have fun with people. Make fun of their cubicle décor, tell self-deprecating jokes (previous blog on that topic), or challenge a staffer to a Ping Pong game.

Fun is when you can be yourself without pretense, and enjoy the company of those you work with. There’s work to be done, but I’d propose that in a fun environment, more work is going to get done.

One last story of how fun was had at my expense when I took myself too seriously…

In my first ministry job as an intern at North Phoenix Baptist Church,   I tried to impress those I worked for, with my ability to accomplish work. Apparently, my supervisor thought I was too serious about this. He initiated some fun.

In a nonchalant way, he dropped a note on my desk with a phone number and said, “This is the retreat center hosting our summer camp this year. Call them and ask about their dress code, so we can pass the info along to the students.” Like he knew I would, I picked up the phone immediately. A person answered with the name of their center, but I was focused on getting the information I needed. I began, “I’m Brian Dodridge, and I serve with North Phoenix Baptist Church. We’ll be at your retreat center soon, and I need to know your dress code.”

Awkward pause.

“We have no dress code, we’re a nudist retreat center.”

I sank in my chair. I heard commotion behind me, and turned to see a small group of people peering over the cube trying to restrain their laughter.

As a leader, often you’ll be responsible for infusing fun into your environment (even if it sometimes it comes at your expense).

 

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Hiring Family| Avoiding Nepotism On Church Staffs

It was my choice to recommend the student minister hire to our church’s personnel team. But the decision also had to be validated by the church membership. And the decision to hire the Pastor’s daughter as student minister came with some turmoil.

I wanted the best student minister available to the church. And she was that.

Yes, she was a female being considered for what has typically been a male role. And yes, she was the eldest daughter of my boss, the Pastor.

Our church’s personnel team had their own decisions to make before taking the recommendation to the church, but I also had to think through how her hire would impact my role personally. If hired, she’d be a direct to report to me, and I’d still be a direct report to her dad. Conflict of my interest?

I had to weigh out the consequences if things went wrong—consequences for the candidate, the Pastor, the Church, and me.

Are you in a similar situation? Could you be?

In the church I serve now, multiple employees have family serving on our staff. I don’t believe being an immediate family member of an existing employee should exclude a person from being considered for a position. But if you’re going to consider a hire like this, you need to have clear policies in place to protect those involved and to protect against nepotism.

Beyond a well thought out policy (click here to read my church’s policy), here are other things to consider:

  • Is there an appropriate amount of reporting lines in between the two persons? I’d suggest at least two, and ideally more. Family supervising family opens everyone up to trouble.
  • Family members who are employees may be held to a higher standard (warranted or not) by church members and by other church staff. If nothing else, more eyes are going to be on the family members. Questioning vacation time? Confidentially? Others can transpose expectations of one person or position to both persons or positions, even if not merited. Is the candidate aware of this?
  • Can you manage perceptions—specifically the perception of nepotism? At least quarterly, there needs to be a conversation between you and the staff member who reports to you, addressing any issues (or even hints of issues) related to nepotism.
  • Have established air cover. You need to have a direct line to whichever group oversees your paid-staff (elders, personnel team, etc.). I believe in following reporting guidelines, but if your family issue revolves around your supervisor, you need air cover. Establish these in advance with your supervisor’s knowledge.
  • Be aware of their exit impact. If one employee leaves the church for good or bad reasons, you’ll potentially lose both of them. Your church’s work productivity can be quickly jeopardized by losing two staff members. This is the trade-off, so it just needs to be considered.

Because the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, if you have a committed and productive staffer and they have a family member also inclined to serve the church, then there’s a good chance they’ll also perform at high standards. So in many cases, it’s worth the risks. But know that there are, in fact, risks.

P.S. In regard to the Pastor’s daughter the church hired, it worked out. She still serves on staff, has had a meaningful ministry, and has successfully avoided nepotism.

 

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Understanding Your Team's Language

Seven years into my marriage, my wife and I realized we were having problems forming apologies to each other. I apologized to her the way I wanted her to apologize to me… “I’m sorry. I’m going to take XYZ steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again.”

But she wanted something different. She wanted me to own it, by recognizing the hurt I caused her. Until we read The Five Languages of Apology, we didn’t know we were apologizing to each other in what basically, foreign languages.

It was important for us and our marriage, to learn each other’s language – and I’ve learned that it’s important in my work-life, too.

Typically when you interact with people, it’s wise to follow the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you wish done unto you.”

I’ve memorized it. I’ve had my kids memorize it. But in a work setting, the wisdom of the Golden Rule doesn’t hold up that well in all circumstances. It’s not always wise to manage others the same way you would want to be managed.

Often while at work, we encourage, correct, and lead in ways we wish to receive those same things. But each employee has different needs. The “Golden Rule breaking” idea comes from the book First, Break All the Rules. Authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman explain this idea and call it “managing by exception.”

Managing by exception is hard work. It takes study and a lot of relational intelligence (read past post on emotional and relational intelligence). Our church uses a personality and spiritual gifts assessment called PLACE to help better understand people’s personalities and give their supervisors tips how to lead them. Because this idea is so important, I also personally use StrengthsFinder, Stand Out and The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace to better understand how people I work directly with like to receive communication, correction, and appreciation.

If it seems overwhelming to learn the “languages” of those who work directly with you, start small:

  • Ask them their favorite way to learn.
  • Ask if they prefer to talk things through in person or through email.
  • Ask if they like public recognition or something less “public.”
  • Determine if they like to make decisions alone or collaboratively.

As a leader, we have to communicate effectively to those we supervise. Effective communication will sound different to each person. When you can, contextualize to the individual.

Practical takeaway: at times, you’ll need to break the Golden Rule.

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